Hello world

Studying for the bar has been such a pain that I decided to start a blog. HA! I know. Up until the last few days, I was guilting myself for every single moment that I spent doing anything besides reviewing for the bar. I had already taken so much time off for my graduation and on weekends for various weddings and events that I felt as if my very passage depended on every single milisecond of studying. As a result, I started to get unreasonably angry.

That may not seem like the logical conclusion, but it actually was. The unreasonable expectations and demands that I placed on myself could only lead to anger. I was angry at myselffor not completing every item on my to-do list. I was angry at every person around me whom I thought was interfering with my ability to dedicate every waking second to studying. I was angry with the bar exam for being so expansive and requiring so much preparation. I was just angry.

Not to mention, I was isolated, which is probably never a good state of being when under a lot of pressure. I made the decision to come home to my parents’ house in Alabama to study for the bar in part because of the isolation factor. I thought that I would only be able to focus on the work if I were in a place that, by its very nature, lacked any excitement or possible distractions. I was studying at home, for hours every day, never leaving the house and ony interacting with my family.

That last bit would have been enough to drive anyone crazy. I had to take back my attitude, take back my sanity, take back my mood, take back my will and get my sh*t together. And leave the house.

Still studying for what feels like a billion hours every day but the attitude change has changed the game. And it started with managing my expectations. I was actually not superhuman, and could not study for 10 hours a day whilst being impervious to all human needs of socialization and normalcy. And I shouldn’t feel bad about that. AND, I can still pass the bar….I hope.