Freedom

Yo. I am so happy to have my freedom. There is so much that you can never appreciate without a point of contrast, and my life insists on giving me plenty to compare the amazing freedom I enjoy with.

I’m in Amsterdam now with friends from Nigeria for a bachelorette. We went to a “Pimp My Dildo” workshop this morning and had a blast. We all made fun dildo art and got to bring them home. I’m the only one who put a pic of mine on instagram. The other girls were like “yea, we can’t put a picture like this up, it would be a huge thing. It’s because we are Nigerian. My parents would make me leave Amsterdam immediately.”

I just couldn’t even imagine. Still having to follow my parents’ instructions and demands. I am so fiercely independent that when I try to wrap my head around that sort of restricted freedom, I can’t even fathom.

We even had a discussion yesterday about birthing and the use of surrogates and the bride to be was saying she did not see anything wrong with using a surrogate to carry the baby. Another girl said “but you can’t! who is going to let you have a surrogate?” and I thought to myself, “who the fuck else has a say in what the woman decides to do with her body besides *mayvbe* her husband?!”

But that was my “American” thinking showing through, I assume. There are so many basic assumptions on which my life is premised that are only truisms because I grew up as the most free that a little black girl possibly could. I ran and screamed and sang and didn’t care and did what I wanted and achieved what I aimed for and never imagined that I couldn’t, shouldn’t or wouldn’t be allowed. Why not? And, until this point, I have done so many things that I want to do. And achieved so much because it never entered my mind that anyone besides me could stop me from doing so.

I value that more than anything else on this earth. I want to be able to fly to another country when I want because I want and I only have to sort out myself and my own schedule. I try to imagine even the sacrifice of marriage, and it’s still not truly within my purview at the moment. I want to go. I want to read. I want to eat. I want to post fucking pictures on instagram. I want to spend my money when I want on what I want. I just want to do what it is that I want to do.

As a woman on this earth, I feel like that is so rare. I cherish it. I prize it. And I will appreciate it until the last second.